Ummm... what am I doing...?

I was playing Assassin's Creed 2 (which was out about more than 3 years ago) and now I'm  writing my blog. Well, I guess it's time for me to re-think about my past lives. First of all, I'm the eldest child in my family and the first grandson of my grandparents... Which means I get high expectations from my family members and sometimes pressured by it. Also I have a very sensitive mind that I get easily hurt like last time I broke up with a girl ended in disaster. I lost my appetite for more than 3 months, I still had to keep my grades higher than before and I still needed to concentrate on many things that required a lot of mental and physical energy. Well what do I get from all those? Obviously it's stress. A huge amount of stress. That got me so far to say that I've started to think that I should end my life at the moment. The part that I got in a conflict was the sense of responsibilities and world wide crisis. I had the responsibilities to do my duties as a human being, as a son and as a goddamn student. And the world doesn't really need many people right now because the more people there is, the higher the level of competition. Now from that point, I thought, 'Why do I even have to live since the world doesn't really need me?' kind of shits. On the other hand I thought I should live up to what other people demands. Keeping other's demand was what drove to live at that time so it was a very difficult dilemma for me. It was always about others for me wasn't it? Trying to give people what they want, which is only high grades, not getting into any troubles? Well that certainly went well and still they are not satisfied. So now what? Whatever I'd tell them to fuck themselves since you are never satisfied. It was such a hard time indeed. After the hard times, I told the world this,"Whatever, go fuck yourself. I don't care what you become. You just can't stop fucking yourself can't you? Well that's too bad because you are the world that is full of assholes with no dicks between their legs." and now, I am not living at all. It's just me tic-toking like a toy trying my best to make people happy which they will never gain from me.