Someone please just shoot a bullet straight through my brain

Sometimes I don't understand why I even live. I don't want  anything... I think... I desire not really much of anything. I don't really have to live anymore... I don't want anything... I want nothing and yet I say no to death. That's my current situation. I've built up so much for just dying. If I die, I will leave so many things behind. My responsibilities, my everything that has been around me. I do not possess things. They are just there... Around me. I just want to let it all go. I was concerned about the things that I am going to leave behind, but now I don't care anymore... Just shoot a bullet straight through my brain that way I will not live anymore. The reason why people are afraid of dying is because they are afraid of leaving things that they've built until now and another reason is that they are afraid of what will happen to their consciousness once they are dead or whether they will go to heaven and prosper or go to hell and live in torment again. But please, I don't believe in afterlife. Just fucking shoot me or I shoot you.

The flying chance

Over many generations, humans wanted to fly. Then, only a century ago, humans were able to build a flying machine that could fly by itself. Of course there were many flying machine attempts but they were not self-sustaining and needed and external help such as hot air to lift the machine. or a wind that could carry the machine to certain direction. But I sometimes wish humans develop wings on their back to fly freely around. It will be hard but I think it is worth it. If they couldn't develop a pair of wings by ourselves, then the help of biology will help us get them. So Jerry! Give me a pair of Wings when you become a Biology major!

Last chance... no not really

It's finally the final exam tomorrow. It really is going to suck ass if it was really hard but at least it will pull up my grades... no not really. Actually the things that pulls my grade up is those damn projects and homework. It is like 60 percent of overall points. I really don't like it. Then why do we give a damn about the damn quarter exam? of course it gives highest score among the other stuffs that is considered as grades. They are like 30 percent of everything in one shot. You know what they say about life. Life is a single shot. It takes only a single shot to succeed and screw in life. I guess the school is the place that teaches us that very directly.

going back to korea

Why do I have to go to Korea ah! I don't want to go to that hell where people tell me to study all day long and where there's no fun things to do! I seldom, very few a time, get what I want. I really don't want to go there... It is my home country and place where I was born, but I think I deserve a little... I mean a lot of rests for my hard works and stuff. Going back to Korea would mean vacation for other koreans but it is just studying in hell.

Pictures and Fieldtrip

These are some of the pictures taken during the field trip. It seems like we had our fun and stuff.... well in the last picture, my hand looks like a pack-man! HAHAHA... give me more food John!!!

Final quarterly exam

It's finally over! It's already time to answer all the quarterly exam and leave the school for next 2 months! Holy shit this year was such hell. I think I will just take the exam, get my report card and take my leave. Final quarterly exam... fuck ya! HAHAHA!!!!

What if the Zombies had intelligence?

If zombies had intelligence, it would cause a lot of trouble... First, they would not accept normal food that non-zombified people would eat but they would rather crave for human flesh because their body's already turned in to monsters that eats human. More, when they are to be subjected by laws, they are not considered humans, literally because they are now known as the zombies. They have to make all new laws for zombies and some conditions to control their actions and that will certainly take some times. Also, there's going to be a racism between humans and zombies. Try to imagine people with no faces, or jaw completely taken out, or their intestines almost coming out of their stomach will walk around the streets, dripping bloods all around the streets and there will be people vomiting on the streets. I think I would really want to stay away from those kind of people. However, since zombies have intelligence, they will be revolting against the discriminating government and people. Some countries, such as Russia will use some violent police force to drive them out of the country or segregate them in a closed area. At first, they will act as if they are going to take care of the zombies but as time goes by, people will make a decision that zombies are a pest to the society and make false information that are entirely discriminating and real falsified record which doesn't really exist or totally exaggerated. Of course zombies will make some troubles even if they have the intelligence but isn't this action just like killing of Jews during the second world war in the concentration camp? Think about it. Haven't humans been doing this shit for centuries to hide their incompleteness? Especially the Christians will say zombies are an abomination, they are unholy, blasphemy blah blah blah blah blah blah. Their religion talks about those stuffs about only god being the almighty and only Jesus had the power to be brought back to life and stuff. Well that really is getting on my nerves and now I have to go because I'm about to be zombified by the pressure of the quarter exam.

indoctrination, education...

To indoctrinate means the same thing as to educate in literal meaning but indoctrination has a behind meaning that is the closest in meaning with brainwashing people with another, mostly false, information. It differs with education because education is really far from brainwashing people. To education is seeking for facts and truths, and what is not. While indoctrination is influencing people to believe in facts that are backed up only with opinions. That's what the internet had to say about the difference between indoctrination and education. Yes I do agree with this idea and indoctrination is bad. Hitler used it to make people believe that Jew is a race with pseudo-scientific research. The whole Germany became racists and the whole concentration camp and ghetto shit came to existence. Indoctrination is meaningless if someone is looking for truths and facts. 

Child taught to obey or conform... Is it really that important? Humans are made to break the rules and change them to make the world better or worse. The nature of human being is that they can never absolutely follow the rule or law. We always strive for comfort and break the rules. The reason why the rules are made was to bring comfort and order in the society. People should learn to follow these rules so that the society will remain peaceful. But has the world been ever at peace? Numbers, numbers, numbers... These are the things that brought idea of order and chaos. Some, people like Niccolo Machiavelli or other Chinese philosophers that I know in Korean but do not know how English says it, says that laws set by humans must always be absolutely processed even using brute force if necessary. This is called the blind obedience. Anything human made is imperfect and law and constitutions are also made by humans which is not perfect as well. That means that at least one of the laws will create chaos that they never meant to create or some people will find a way around it. Obedience is necessary only if it's reasonable and tolerable to society. Following the law unquestioningly will always cause problems. The same goes for those Nazi soldiers and supporters. Following the rule blindingly like a goddamn machine... They have no heart they have no mercy for Jewish life... If they were humans, they should at least think once in their life the value of every life on Earth. The rule tells them to kill and they kill. How pathetic and despicable.

meaningless

Meaningless they are. The things that we live for is meaningless to some others. Very unpleasant this is. To be ignored the values of life. unpleasant and very disappointing indeed. Yes perhaps I have ignored some people's value of life. I would deeply regret that and if I were to list down everything that I regret would cost me a life. Abandoned, meaningless things are. Does it mean that regrets must be abandoned as well? People say that regretting is meaningless and look forward to a brighter future. How could one possibly want a bright future when his life is full of regrets and depression? He has lost the value to his life and is standing at the edge of the cliff and wants to break his own body. He has lost the will to turn back and go to the other way for the mountain top where no one has yet to come back to tell what's up on the mountain. He can not stop. Stopping has become meaningless to everybody's thoughts and everybody's thought has polluted his thoughts as well. Everyone is pushing him to move forward without knowing where he's headed. He will fall off the cliff and be free from the manacles of life that has tortured him for so many years. However the freedom has become meaningless to this man and so did moving on with the shackles. He thinks and thinks again for what is a thing that is meaningful but he can not find any. Ah what have we done? We have killed him at last. His head broken down into pieces by the boulders of memories and heart torn apart by regrets of his life. Oh how I  remember what he used to tell me.

"The life will also be the death of me."

Science is fun, but there are some factors that makes it bad

Science... Of course there are many things that could be called as part of the science, however what I'm talking about is natural science and more specifically, chemistry. Chemistry, when children hear the word chemistry, they imagine the science lab with so many dangerous chemicals. However chemistry is not always related to bubbling chemicals but solving and balancing chemical equations that doesn't make sense if put in the sense of mathematics. It really is a damn shit if the teacher is not teaching his/her students properly. Well that's what really is happening in my world of science. What about you?