March ends tomorrow night

Finally, the month of March ends tomorrow night. How exciting for the little kids. They grow older by a bit and for the adults... well let's just say they won't really be happy... Me? well, I've got nothing to say but I can't really say that I'm exactly happy. Surely, March last year was so much good for me, but you know what they say... What used to be the happiest memory could be the most miserable memory. When ever I think about coming April... I just can't speak a word. Every breath becomes painful and it sucks to feel this way. It's like I'm in a room filled with poison. I can't escape, the time is my only chance to get out of the misery... Ah... I hate pain, especially the pain in the heart. First I thought I just had physically weak heart, but it wasn't. It was indeed weak, but the amount of coldness it can take was a little amount.

God or People?

I've been questioning the existence of god for so many years and came to an answer why I'm questioning god. I actually wanted to believe god. However, people around me who says they are catholic or christian do something that are really unacceptable for even for the ones with no religion at all. That is why the world is getting screwed like this. I was afraid that I would live like them, not really disobeying the rules and doing something that are useless to the society, if I say that I believe in god. I really hate lying to others and further more, myself. I'd be lying if I'm a christian and I do those things that are unacceptable to the society. The problem was always the people not god. If god had anything to do with my questioning of him is that he made me live in the world there are full of chaos and grief. People are the ones causing the trouble. If god was the one who intended it all, then he would not be called the all forgiving.

To be honest, don't you think people making games amazing?

Seriously, I mean really, I think people making game is really intellectual, creative, and artistic individuals. See how they managed to make the game world controllable to every single player. To explain the game people's creativeness and intelligence, I first need to tell how they make games. First they think about how the game will go and the story for the game. It requires a lot of intelligence and creativity for the world of game is sometimes way beyond people's imaginations. For some games, lots of novelists gets awed and wants themselves to be taken by the game. That's why lots of novelists who published fictional novels are scouted to the game company and I don't need to explain to people that the novelists are talented individuals. After the planning of the game, the game goes through concept art design and game character design.  These are the example of the game illustrations.





And the concept arts.






after the game character and world design, they need to make it move. If you've used the word pad to make a webpage, it's the same principle. They type the codes in the word pad and they will save it as some other file name that only the game will understand and make it move as wanted. They set the items, character actions and NPC's (non-playing character) behavior. A famous game known for various NPC behavior is the Elder's Scroll's series, the most recent Elder's Scroll series is Skyrim. Where all the quests vary from time to time and when you do some actions against the rule, you will also go to jail. Just by explaining how game is made, we can see that the game producers are very intellectual and artistic indeed. We must keep on supporting game corporation and develop the game life until it gets better and better.

That's why if I have a chance, I want to be part of the game producing team.

Playfest

So the playfest is over...
wait, I wrote about it just yesterday and why am I writing it again?
well of course Ms.Mae asked the whole class to make a blog entry and put some pictures about it so here goes

Finally, It's over!

Finally, everything that we have been working for is over! Yes! I feel so unburdened! Well done everybody, well done! Even though I screwed up a little, well, Ms.Mae said We should not be blaming anyone so... We are cool right guys?.... guys...?

(beating sound)

Okay... 

I might have screwed up a lot but come on man, let's be cool for few days!

"sure man, we'll beat you up after few days."

ummm... Fuck you all guys.

but before I go and you guys beat me up,

Who was the one who found most of the sounds?

Who changed the sound plans just before the play?

Who wrote the play?

Who ran all day just to make the play a little better?

well I'm just asking man.

What are we going to do! (feat. Panic mode)

I still don't get why we are still not yet prepared for the playfest yeah-
uh huh~ yeah no, what? what are we going to do?
where am I, who am I, Who are you people!
just fuck shit up because I'm about to start a riot!
A riot!!!

uh yeah this is panic time, which I have never got.
It's time for you to freak out
It's time for you to screaaaam!

I still don't know what the F I must do yo!
we are gonna get fuck shit up and I'm really gonna start a riot!
a Riot!

I'm telling you It's time for you to panic!
yeah you suck!

Well What am I going to do?



well that was the song written by me and it was featuring a guy named Panic mode.
ah... so fucked up man...
what are we going to do!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!

Another lie fills another day and so on and so forth

In the world we live, there has always been a lie that has been made up by people and sometimes it can really turn the world around. Well that is a serious shit. Lie is what makes the world go around? Wow, that is just so screwed up isn't it? So... the truth is not very important is it? Whatever, I expected nothing from those people and myself. They say there are lies that are good, but the truth is actually what's going to come for them in this case. Never has a world seen a people who was so generous and honest as Jesus Christ, although I don't really know he really was an existing man and stuff, and has the world been so caring about what the world is truly going on. The truth is always so vague and hidden away. Such as Americans believing that Afghanistan people likes American. Well that's a lot of bullshit... They are not doing anything serious for the sake of their sorry ass and those people really require help. Well something like this is the truth and we are always inconsiderate about the truth and believe the lie that was told to them was actually the truth. It is always lies that fills the world each and everyday. This is such a fucked up situation but what's more important is the insight to see the truth.

Church really does not help

The church is where people, specifically people so called Christians, gather and the priest, or pastor makes them believe in Jesus Christ or there Lord. And since there are lots of people in that place, it would also seem that it would be a good place to begin a meeting with people, but my thought was horribly wrong and was so unhelpful for my health as well. I used up my health to listen to the boring voices of the pastor which makes me fall asleep. Everyone doesn't talk even after the mass is over... How boring is it to go there! Ah! It is no good... I'm not even a christian and I am even forced to go there, I have no choice, even if I refuse to go, they will get mad at me and start dragging me there, they bring up things that I don't want to do and then what....

What would I be without you?

Ah love... The most abused word that arouses all kinds of emotions. It calls for happiness, it arouses anger, jealousy, envy, dilution, screwed up thoughts etc. But what would the world be without that simple word 'love'? Well, people maybe would have thought of a nice replacement for the word because humans are smart. However, it might also lead to extinction because people wouldn't have any ways to excuse themselves from desire for sex in a sound and romantic way. Well you can't just say "I want to have sex with you" can they? No that's very improper. However the culture may change that being frank about wanting for that "something" is very romantic. So I guess the word "love" doesn't mean that much to people. They abuse the word. I love you, I love you... I hear that everyday of my life and I am tired of hearing those lies.

Ummm... what am I doing...?

I was playing Assassin's Creed 2 (which was out about more than 3 years ago) and now I'm  writing my blog. Well, I guess it's time for me to re-think about my past lives. First of all, I'm the eldest child in my family and the first grandson of my grandparents... Which means I get high expectations from my family members and sometimes pressured by it. Also I have a very sensitive mind that I get easily hurt like last time I broke up with a girl ended in disaster. I lost my appetite for more than 3 months, I still had to keep my grades higher than before and I still needed to concentrate on many things that required a lot of mental and physical energy. Well what do I get from all those? Obviously it's stress. A huge amount of stress. That got me so far to say that I've started to think that I should end my life at the moment. The part that I got in a conflict was the sense of responsibilities and world wide crisis. I had the responsibilities to do my duties as a human being, as a son and as a goddamn student. And the world doesn't really need many people right now because the more people there is, the higher the level of competition. Now from that point, I thought, 'Why do I even have to live since the world doesn't really need me?' kind of shits. On the other hand I thought I should live up to what other people demands. Keeping other's demand was what drove to live at that time so it was a very difficult dilemma for me. It was always about others for me wasn't it? Trying to give people what they want, which is only high grades, not getting into any troubles? Well that certainly went well and still they are not satisfied. So now what? Whatever I'd tell them to fuck themselves since you are never satisfied. It was such a hard time indeed. After the hard times, I told the world this,"Whatever, go fuck yourself. I don't care what you become. You just can't stop fucking yourself can't you? Well that's too bad because you are the world that is full of assholes with no dicks between their legs." and now, I am not living at all. It's just me tic-toking like a toy trying my best to make people happy which they will never gain from me.

What to do... what to do...

Now... what to do? Oh that's right... I got to study like always...

Living is not living

Every people on earth would probably be living for something. Their goals, achievements, past, future, present and another more either acceptable or unacceptable reasons are why people are even living on this world. But I came to doubt what am I living by and my answer was that I was living for the duty not because I really want to. I can't even kill myself because I know that I can live like this because of the very slim chance, which the probability is even less than thousand billions to one. I'm living a way better life than the majority of the people in Africa and if I die, that would be too selfish. I think even this kind of thought that I want to die is already deserves a criticism for those other people. But what is life without any purpose and living not for myself but others? I am not satisfied with my life and I can't even fully fulfill my duty. If I was fulfilling my duty which I was living for, I would be the happiest man on earth because i have reached the purpose of my life but now I finally realize that a person that can fulfill my duty was a god. Almighty and all-knowing god can fulfill any tasks and do anything. I am not a god but just a mere human with too many flaws and my death wouldn't even be that evident in the world. Then why did I come through all those slim chances? Nothing is impossible? Well, fuck that. No one can be a god even after the end of time, no one can be god. And me... what am I? Do I have power to influence people? Do I have the knowledge or the means to work the world? The answers are no. Clearly no. It really sounds pathetic myself but it really is how the shit has been going for so long.

people around

The doubt sometimes makes people go crazy. And when that happens it's hard for someone to rely on anyone even themselves. However, there are people around them, who makes them laugh when they lost meaning to it all, they give the reason to live. It took me so much time to figure that out. We live not only for ourselves but also with other people who believes in us and we are meant to be a reason to live for them. The only thing that was about ourselves was breathing. Even studying, we do it ultimately for other people who are in need and who love us. Though I'm not sure if they really love us. But I believe if we love them enough, they will give us the love we deserve.

wait... those things I've written are so unlike me...
when did I become we?
when did someone ever love us?
when will someone ever love us?
when did i start believing in mankind?

Yes I am changing and growing.
Although it feels like it was too late to figure these out.

Everybody's rushing!

End of the 3rd quarter is approaching, in fact, it is only about three days left. It means that all the projects are at its deadlines. It really is hard to cram and everybody needs to prepare for the quarterly exam. However, I can relax about math because it always was a easy subject for me and further more, I'm exempted from the quarterly exam due to our competition in MTAP. Now, most of the projects are done and i just need to study for my most difficult subject, Social studies! For Science, I just need a calculator and that's it. However Social studies, it requires a lot of memorization and concepts of many ideas. I don't have problems in interpreting ideas but memorization is my real problem. It really is getting hard for me to memorize something. At least in math, if your base is tight, you can figure out so many things by just learning one thing. Social studies... I will get more than 90 percent with you! HAHAHAHAHA! World domination!!!

Stop being greedy for power people!

Greediness... It is one of the factors that drove mankind this far and also the factor that destroys people's morality. It's so ironic that people wants to do those things even though they know that it isn't the right thing to do. From this some may say that people's desire beats people's morality. For power, they will do anything regardless of how evil what they do. That's what I used to believe and there's no doubt about this belief. But if we get powerful enough to overcome this greed for power, won't the world be a better place to live?

Another quarter exam

It only feels like yesterday that the 3rd quarter started and yet, the quarterly exam is already just a few steps more... Ah to be frank, I dislike studying on my own. I just don't like sitting on a chair all alone and answer problems. What fun is that? I really got to study for the quarterly exam, but it seems like my bad habit isn't going to just walk away on its own.