What to do... what to do...

Now... what to do? Oh that's right... I got to study like always...

Living is not living

Every people on earth would probably be living for something. Their goals, achievements, past, future, present and another more either acceptable or unacceptable reasons are why people are even living on this world. But I came to doubt what am I living by and my answer was that I was living for the duty not because I really want to. I can't even kill myself because I know that I can live like this because of the very slim chance, which the probability is even less than thousand billions to one. I'm living a way better life than the majority of the people in Africa and if I die, that would be too selfish. I think even this kind of thought that I want to die is already deserves a criticism for those other people. But what is life without any purpose and living not for myself but others? I am not satisfied with my life and I can't even fully fulfill my duty. If I was fulfilling my duty which I was living for, I would be the happiest man on earth because i have reached the purpose of my life but now I finally realize that a person that can fulfill my duty was a god. Almighty and all-knowing god can fulfill any tasks and do anything. I am not a god but just a mere human with too many flaws and my death wouldn't even be that evident in the world. Then why did I come through all those slim chances? Nothing is impossible? Well, fuck that. No one can be a god even after the end of time, no one can be god. And me... what am I? Do I have power to influence people? Do I have the knowledge or the means to work the world? The answers are no. Clearly no. It really sounds pathetic myself but it really is how the shit has been going for so long.

people around

The doubt sometimes makes people go crazy. And when that happens it's hard for someone to rely on anyone even themselves. However, there are people around them, who makes them laugh when they lost meaning to it all, they give the reason to live. It took me so much time to figure that out. We live not only for ourselves but also with other people who believes in us and we are meant to be a reason to live for them. The only thing that was about ourselves was breathing. Even studying, we do it ultimately for other people who are in need and who love us. Though I'm not sure if they really love us. But I believe if we love them enough, they will give us the love we deserve.

wait... those things I've written are so unlike me...
when did I become we?
when did someone ever love us?
when will someone ever love us?
when did i start believing in mankind?

Yes I am changing and growing.
Although it feels like it was too late to figure these out.

Everybody's rushing!

End of the 3rd quarter is approaching, in fact, it is only about three days left. It means that all the projects are at its deadlines. It really is hard to cram and everybody needs to prepare for the quarterly exam. However, I can relax about math because it always was a easy subject for me and further more, I'm exempted from the quarterly exam due to our competition in MTAP. Now, most of the projects are done and i just need to study for my most difficult subject, Social studies! For Science, I just need a calculator and that's it. However Social studies, it requires a lot of memorization and concepts of many ideas. I don't have problems in interpreting ideas but memorization is my real problem. It really is getting hard for me to memorize something. At least in math, if your base is tight, you can figure out so many things by just learning one thing. Social studies... I will get more than 90 percent with you! HAHAHAHAHA! World domination!!!

Stop being greedy for power people!

Greediness... It is one of the factors that drove mankind this far and also the factor that destroys people's morality. It's so ironic that people wants to do those things even though they know that it isn't the right thing to do. From this some may say that people's desire beats people's morality. For power, they will do anything regardless of how evil what they do. That's what I used to believe and there's no doubt about this belief. But if we get powerful enough to overcome this greed for power, won't the world be a better place to live?

Another quarter exam

It only feels like yesterday that the 3rd quarter started and yet, the quarterly exam is already just a few steps more... Ah to be frank, I dislike studying on my own. I just don't like sitting on a chair all alone and answer problems. What fun is that? I really got to study for the quarterly exam, but it seems like my bad habit isn't going to just walk away on its own.

Well some people just need to win all the time don't they?

I see some people arguing or trying to persuade me. No matter how hard I try, to deny their ideas, they need to just keep on saying the same thing with the reasons I just simply can't accept. Maybe it's just that they have this duty to persuade people to believe what they believe. If that is so, they should go to church and be a pastor or a priest. Well they always persuade people to believe Christianity or make them believe that there actually is hell or heaven as if they've really been there. Well people just need to persuade others don't they? To be frank, I really hate those kind of people who tries to suppress other's ideas and make them believe what they want others to believe. Not knowing that it was the idea that led people in to the ways of slavery that everybody thinks wrong right now. So what I'm saying is that we need to understand what others are believing and respect it. Okay, they don't believe in Christ, let them be. If they believe in Christ, Let them be. Let them believe what they want to believe. Is it so hard?