selfishness

All the people in the world have their own selfishness. Selfishness for themselves or selfishness for other people, whom they care about. However, some selfish people can be really disgusting and grotesque at times. The kind of selfishness that I'm trying to make is not only based on material needs but also emotional and mental. I see this world right now really stupid and wonder if this is really happening or what the hell is wrong with the bastards. I have already come to realize that survival is an instinct where the strong eats the weak. In this sense, the concept of justice is no more than an irony that goes against human instinct. What a bad joke. It was always ironic to say that morality was the highest value that humans can have. How can we go against our own instinct? The point I'm trying to make is that humans are such dirty creatures that only seeks its own survival and selfishness is their primary weapon used during this fight for survival.

Finding peace

I've been wondering what could possibly be the reason for my blog entry always being as short as a Dwarf. Perhaps my synapse had acted negligibly for my whole life or other possibilities are probably me being lazy, or just there's nothing I can possibly write on my blog. So I see other's blog and see what they write. I've started off with Korean blog but their entries are just like 2 or 3 lines and they are just about silly things. I've then tried some English blogs and some of them are quite colorful and long. Their entries were mostly about their lives, or about the troubles of people who they care about and convince the readers to give sympathy on those people and lot more but I think I could make my point. It was simply personal things. Other things that I don't know are that one, I also write personal stuffs, and two, my blog is quite colorful(I think). But I came to more questions such as, why am I even asking these questions? Who cares if I write a short or long blogs? Why do I even care to write these things? What is all these bullshits? Why do I have to think about all these? Why the hell do I have to keep worrying? Why in the goddamn world should I pay my damn attention to anything at all? Why am I asking for reasons for everything? Why do I ask even though I know that somethings are better left unknown? Why do I even live? What purpose do I serve in this world? I have so many questions left but I think I've made my point clear. I keep thinking and worrying even though I know that thinking about those things are meaningless. Also I have come to notice that the number of things to think has been mushrooming ever since I came to this stinking shit hole. This damned country, the whole world seems like my nemesis and this is just basically madness to think everything is going against me. I know not everything can go as I've thought as, but I really am coming to think that the world is against me, again. Or could it be me going against the will of the world? I have no idea. It's just been too hard to find any peace in me these days. I couldn't talk to anyone about my problems and I really am stressed from those non-stop studying for past few weeks and also frustrated with things that I question and this unknown emotion that I feel. Peace in my mind seems so far away from reality. If this keeps on going, I'll become crazy, or become lost again. Help... If this is too much,then you may ignore this whole thing and pretend as if nothing happened. That's what people do right? Forgetting things or pretend as if they don't know a thing... 

Vacation, almost over!

Summer vacation is coming to an end. But it almost seems like I had no vacation at all... Going to Korea was one thing I hoped it to be relaxing, but went there to just study all day long while others were playing 'Diablo 3'. And again came back here to this bloody third world country and studied again while others are lying down on a couch relaxing as the summer breeze passed. Damn... Well, they never said I would have relaxation during vacation so I guess I can't complain...

It's been quite a while eh?

It's truly been quite a while since the time I last updated my blog. Yes, I've been to Korea, my mother nation and a place where I didn't want to go. I've been to Korea to get some upgrades. For your information, the term upgrade means the upgrade in my intellect. Now my goal until 2013 January is to be a being of pure intellect and knowledge. Back to the original idea. I was too busy to write my blog ever since I've gone to Korea, my mother nation. I had to prepare myself for TOEFL, and the upcoming chemistry challenge which really doesn't interest me a lot. I really have to study now people. Don't wish me luck because luck is one of the skill that one must acquire and also don't pray for me because I will do much less if you pray for me. Until next time then

Someone please just shoot a bullet straight through my brain

Sometimes I don't understand why I even live. I don't want  anything... I think... I desire not really much of anything. I don't really have to live anymore... I don't want anything... I want nothing and yet I say no to death. That's my current situation. I've built up so much for just dying. If I die, I will leave so many things behind. My responsibilities, my everything that has been around me. I do not possess things. They are just there... Around me. I just want to let it all go. I was concerned about the things that I am going to leave behind, but now I don't care anymore... Just shoot a bullet straight through my brain that way I will not live anymore. The reason why people are afraid of dying is because they are afraid of leaving things that they've built until now and another reason is that they are afraid of what will happen to their consciousness once they are dead or whether they will go to heaven and prosper or go to hell and live in torment again. But please, I don't believe in afterlife. Just fucking shoot me or I shoot you.

The flying chance

Over many generations, humans wanted to fly. Then, only a century ago, humans were able to build a flying machine that could fly by itself. Of course there were many flying machine attempts but they were not self-sustaining and needed and external help such as hot air to lift the machine. or a wind that could carry the machine to certain direction. But I sometimes wish humans develop wings on their back to fly freely around. It will be hard but I think it is worth it. If they couldn't develop a pair of wings by ourselves, then the help of biology will help us get them. So Jerry! Give me a pair of Wings when you become a Biology major!

Last chance... no not really

It's finally the final exam tomorrow. It really is going to suck ass if it was really hard but at least it will pull up my grades... no not really. Actually the things that pulls my grade up is those damn projects and homework. It is like 60 percent of overall points. I really don't like it. Then why do we give a damn about the damn quarter exam? of course it gives highest score among the other stuffs that is considered as grades. They are like 30 percent of everything in one shot. You know what they say about life. Life is a single shot. It takes only a single shot to succeed and screw in life. I guess the school is the place that teaches us that very directly.